erik lundegaard

Winter Box Office: Hasta la Vista, Arnie

The year is nearly a third over so time for a little perspective on domestic box office 2013.

What surprised me, looking at the numbers, wasn't how well “Oz, the Great and Powerful” did. I kinda knew that. It was how poorly the '80s action stars performed. Our pumped-up heroes basically stood there, arms akimbo, faces sagging, and wheezed.

“The Last Stand,” Arnold Schwarzenegger's return to the big screen after mixed-reviews playing governor of California, opened Jan. 18th to weak reviews (59%/41% on Rotten Tomatoes) and a weaker opening weekend ($6 million). Its finally tally? $12 million. How bad is that? Since the “Conan” movies, even unadjusted—even, in other words, when the hyper-inflated 2013 dollars are battling puny 1987 dollars—that's Arnold's worst box-office showing. Ever. Put it this way: “Red Heat,” that flick he made with Jim Belushi that nobody cared about, still grossed $35 million. In 1988. I guess “The Last Stand” was a prescient title.

Two weeks later, Sylvester Stallone's “Bullet to the Head” opened to worse reviews (48%/41% on RT) and worser box office ($4 million). It wound up grossing $9 million. More prescience.

In comparison, their one-time rival Bruce Willis rode a franchise pic, “A Good Day to Die Hard” to a $67-million haul: 8th-best for the year. But in the “Die Hard” franchise, $67 mil is dying. The previous lowest-grossing “Die Hard,” adjusted, is “Live Free or Die Hard,” at $157 million. This thing always make money. Until this year. It took a couple of decades but it finally fucking died.

Another pleasant surprise? No one went to see the crappy comedies. “Admission” with Tina Fey and Paul Rudd worked a 42%/29% on RT and just $16 mil at the box office. “The Incredible Burt Wonderstone,” with Steve Carrell and Jim Carrey, did 37%/22% on RT and only $22 million.

But it was a bad winter. How bad? A decent flick will generally make three times its opening-weekend gross, but of the 32 movies that opened in more than 2,000 theaters from January to March, only seven managed that. The movie with the longest legs? “Identify Thief.” The movies with the shortest legs? 1) Texas Chainsaw 3D (horror, of course); 2) Movie 43 (abyssmal); and 3) The Last Stand.

Here are our 32 movies ranked by legs. Some of the March releases will climb slightly, such as “Olympus Has Hallen,” which was released March 22nd, and which last week made another $10 million.

Others wil not. Hasta la vista, Arnie.

Rank Movie Total Gross / Theaters Opening / Theaters Legs
1 Identity Thief $132,109,430 3,230 $34,551,025 3,141 3.82
2 Escape From Planet Earth $54,682,621 3,353 $15,891,055 3,288 3.44
3 Side Effects (2013) $31,490,921 2,605 $9,303,145 2,605 3.38
4 The Croods $144,017,580 4,065 $43,639,736 4,046 3.30
5 Safe Haven $70,617,826 3,223 $21,401,594 3,223 3.30
6 Warm Bodies $65,932,902 3,009 $20,353,967 3,009 3.24
7 Snitch $42,010,843 2,511 $13,167,607 2,511 3.19
8 21 and Over $25,439,878 2,771 $8,754,168 2,771 2.91
9 The Call $48,915,641 2,507 $17,118,745 2,507 2.86
10 Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters $55,604,178 3,375 $19,690,956 3,372 2.82
11 Oz The Great and Powerful $220,090,740 3,912 $79,110,453 3,912 2.78
12 Admission $16,959,834 2,161 $6,154,984 2,160 2.76
13 Olympus Has Fallen $83,147,707 3,106 $30,373,794 3,098 2.74
14 A Good Day to Die Hard $67,032,705 3,555 $24,834,845 3,553 2.70
15 Gangster Squad $46,000,903 3,103 $17,070,347 3,103 2.69
16 G.I. Joe: Retaliation $104,112,433 3,734 $40,501,814 3,719 2.57
17 Beautiful Creatures (2013) $19,452,138 2,950 $7,582,595 2,950 2.57
18 Mama $71,628,180 2,781 $28,402,310 2,647 2.52
19 Parker $17,616,641 2,238 $7,008,222 2,224 2.51
20 Broken City $19,701,164 2,622 $8,268,908 2,620 2.38
21 Jack the Giant Slayer $63,009,150 3,525 $27,202,226 3,525 2.32
22 The Host (2013) $23,820,419 3,202 $10,600,112 3,202 2.25
23 A Haunted House $40,041,683 2,160 $18,101,682 2,160 2.21
24 The Incredible Burt Wonderstone $22,157,931 3,160 $10,177,257 3,160 2.18
25 Tyler Perry's Temptation $46,114,300 2,047 $21,641,679 2,047 2.13
26 Dark Skies $17,221,554 2,313 $8,189,166 2,313 2.10
27 Bullet to the Head $9,489,829 2,404 $4,548,201 2,404 2.09
28 Dead Man Down $10,888,069 2,188 $5,345,250 2,188 2.04
29 The Last Exorcism Part II $15,179,302 2,700 $7,728,354 2,700 1.96
30 The Last Stand $12,050,299 2,913 $6,281,433 2,913 1.92
31 Movie 43 $8,840,453 2,023 $4,805,878 2,023 1.84
32 Texas Chainsaw 3D $34,341,945 2,659 $21,744,470 2,654 1.58

Some of the bad movies of the first three months of 2013

Good times.


Posted at 02:59 PM on Fri. Apr 19, 2013 in category Movies - Box Office  
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