I got this email the day after I sat for three hours in 50-degree weather watching the Mariners lose 8-0:

We hope you had a great time at the game? You see the score there? Does your left hand know what its right hand is doing, or are you fumbling around as much as the Mariners' defense on Wednesday? 

I know, I know, every corporation does this now, but you'd think they might pause now and again. But I imagine whoever is running this dept. wants/needs engagement, for quarterly and annual goals, and it doesn't matter if it's negative engagement or engagement that in the long run sours the customer on the product, as long as they get their short-term clicks. Short-term numbers trump long-term viability in the minds of every middle manager in every American corporation. It's why we're all doomed.

I get these from my insurance company as well, Cigna, after doctor visits. “How was your visit with Dr. A?” A week later: “REMINDER: How was your visit with Dr. A? Your feedback in IMPORTANT!” OK, here's some feedback. How about go fuck yourself? Your feigned solicitiousness isn't fooling anyone. Hell, I get these from Ticketmaster, fucking Ticketmaster, getting all chummy with me: “ERIK: What did you (really) think of Silent Movie Monday?” The parenthetical is the nails on the chalkboard for me. Yeah, just a couple of girls chatting and spilling the tea. Me and Tick.

OK, I'm making a list:

• Ticketmaster
• Cigna
• Seattle Mariners

Just STOP. You assholes. Just fucking stop.