Triple Feature in Hell
We're nearly at the vernal equinox and no 2011 movie has grossed more than $100 million. “Just Go With It” (that Adam Sandler thing) is at $98 m, “The Green Hornet” is at $97m, “Gnomeo and Juliet” $93.6m. The quality of the top three raises the question of whether any 2011 movie deserves to be over $100 million; but then I hear Clint Eastwood's voice of wisdom in my head, reminding me, “Deserves got nothin' to do with it, kid.”
Even so, I was semi-intrigued: When was the last time no film had reached $100m by the vernal equinox? Last year at this time, after all, three movies were already past that mark, and one, “Alice in Wonderland,” was on its way to $300 million. The year before we had (or you had) “Paul Blart,” and the year before that ... OK, that was the last time we didn't have a $100 million grosser by this point: 2008. Just “Cloverfield,” “Jumper,” “27 Dresses,” all in the $70m range.
As I kept checking back in time, though, confirming this and that, I began to pay less attention to the grosses and more attention to the movies themselves. The first three months of the year are traditional dumping grounds for studios, and the top three films by the first day of spring often read like a triple feature in hell. Pick your poison:
- 2011
- “Just Go With It”
- “The Green Hornet”
- “Gnomeo and Juliet”
- 2010
- “Alice in Wonderland”
- “Shutter Island”
- “Valentine's Day”
- 2009
- “Paul Blart, Mall Cop”
- “Taken”
- “Watchmen”
- 2008
- “Cloverfield”
- “Jumper”
- “27 Dresses”
- 2007
- “300”
- “Ghost Rider”
- “Wild Hogs”
- 2006
- “The Pink Panther”
- “Eight Below”
- “Big Momma's House 2”
- 2005
- “Hitch”
- “Are We There Yet?”
- “The Pacifier”
- 2004
- “The Passion of the Christ”
- “50 First Dates”
- “Along Came Polly”
- 2003
- “Daredevil”
- “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”
- “Bringing Down the House”
- 2002
- “Snow Dogs”
- “John Q”
- “Ice Age”
- 2001
- “Hannibal”
- “Save the Last Dance”
- “The Wedding Planner”
Which is the worst? To me, it's gotta be 2007. Machismo repeating itself, first as tragedy (“300”), then as farce (“Wild Hogs”). Not even a frilly, stupid, rom-com as a somewhat icky palate cleanser. Instead just raw meat. How frightened and cowardly does a country have to be to keep indulging in this kind of crap?

If you go far back enough, of course, you reach a time before everything became solidified and commodified, and good movies might reign even in late winter:
- 1985
- “Witness”
- “The Breakfast Club”
- “The Falcon and the Snowman”
Give or take, that's a triple feature worth seeing.
COMMENTS
You may bypass the ID fields and security question below if you log in before commenting.
Click here to manage subscription
Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance (2012)
Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
Secret Origin: The Story of DC Comics (2010)
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)
Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)
Baseball
Books
General
Hiking
Jordys Reviews
Lancelot Links
Movie Reviews - 2013
Movie Reviews - 2012
Movie Reviews - 2011
Movie Reviews - 2010
Movie Reviews - 2009
Movie Reviews - 2000s
Movie Reviews - 1990s
Movie Reviews - 1980s
Movie Reviews - 1970s
Movie Reviews - 1960s
Movie Reviews - 1950s
Movie Reviews - 1940s
Movie Reviews - 1930s
Movie Reviews - 1920s
Movies
Movies - Box Office
Movies - Documentaries
Movies - Foreign
Movies - The Oscars
Movies - Scene of the Day
Movies - Studios
Movies - Theaters
Movies - Trailers
Music
Personal Pieces
Politics
Quote of the Day
Seattle
Seattle Mariners
Superheroes
Travels
TV
What Liberal Hollywood?
Word Study
Yankees Suck
IMDb.com
Box Office Mojo
Rotten Tomatoes
Jeffrey Wells
The Film Experience
Roger Ebert
Large Ass Movie Blogs
Joe Posnanski
Cardboard Gods
Alex Pareene
Hendrik Hertzberg
Copy Curmudgeon
Deb Ellis
Andrew Engelson
Jerry Grillo
Tim Harrison
Eric Hanson
Ben Stocking
Jim Walsh







