WARNING: SPOILERS

What a weird fucking movie.

In the first half, a wife realizes her husband is unfaithful and it’s treated as a comedy. In the second half, she wins the husband back and it’s treated as a tragedy. Well, it’s an ur-disaster flick so it is a tragedy. It’s the Hindenburg before the Hindenburg, let alone The Hindenburg. There’s a golden calf element, too—outré revelry before fierce judgment—but then it was directed by Cecil B. DeMille, who did both the silent and Charlton Heston versions of “The Ten Commandments,” and who was always big on bacchanalia followed by shame. Lots of bacchanalia, a bit of shame.

You could also say the movie is ripped from the headlines: A dirigible full of rich, partying people crash. That pretty much describes the 1920s. At least these people had parachutes.

And it’s a musical! DeMille’s first and only. It shows.

Regular old crackers
I didn’t know it was a musical, so, 15 minutes in, when the maid (Elsa Peterson) bursts into “Live and Love Today” to her mistress Angela Brooks (Kay Johnson), bucking her up about her philandering husband Bob (Reginald Denny), I experienced the kind of disconnect people who hate musicals have about musicals. Is it the only time in the movie the singing is musical-y? It’s not a performer with a piano saying “Hey, I’ll sing a song here.” It’s an everyday setting where someone just starts belting it out. 

This scene follows an extended comedic open in which Bob and his pal Jimmy Wade (Roland Young) try to sneak back into his stately mansion, drunk, in top hats and tails, after a night of revelry. Jimmy is clumsy and keeps dropping stuff, including his top hat, which winds up on the head of a passing maid. Wucka wucka. But Angela discovers more than just the revelry. She realizes Bob is having an affair with a dame named Trixie (Lillian Roth) and confronts him about it. His response? He blames her.

• “Don’t you understand? Love can’t be kept in cold storage. Its a battery that has to be recharged every day.”
• “That’s you all over: cold logic. … I think you're above all other women. But below zero.”
• “I’m a romantic guy. I crave warm affection … and all I get is frozen justice.”

We also get this back-and-forth:

Bob: You don't know what love means.
Angela: You don't know what marriage means.
Bob: Oh, yes I do! It’s a schoolroom and you’re the teacher. Well, I’ve graduated!

Was male privilege ever more ascendant? 

Was DeMille a philanderer? Of course he was. With several women. And his wife knew. And did nothing. Probably just sang songs with her maid.

Oddly, given the above, the screenwriters are all women—Jeanie Macpherson, Gladys Unger, Elsie Janis—and all of them previously collaborated with DeMille. Particularly Macpherson. She had a longtime affair with him. So I guess they knew from which they wrote.

After confronting Bob, Angela confronts Trixie, but gets similarly dismissed and humiliated. So she divorces Bob and takes him to the cleaners.

Kidding. She decides to fight for him. This is what she says to Trixie: “You made him sick of virtue, I'll make him so sick of vice he’ll scream for decency!” How does she do this? That’s the second half of the film. Jimmy is throwing a masked ball aboard a moored dirigible and she decides to show up in the slinkiest outfit ever and turns heads—especially Bob’s, who pushes others aside to get to the front of the line. Just who is this mysterious woman who calls herself Madam Satan? He must know!

There’s some not-bad lines but Bob is a major creep and the movie doesn’t think so. Plus Angela’s plan to get him so sick of vice he’ll scream for decency is a non-starter. He seems very interested in vice until he realizes the vice would be with his wife. Where’s the fun in that? At which point whatever might’ve happened is disrupted by disaster. There’s a thunderstorm, the dirigible becomes unmoored and begins to break apart, and panic ensues among the swanky set. “I don’t want your husband,” Trixie cries, “I want a parachute!” Bob meanwhile, sacrifices his parachute for Angela but he survives like an action hero. As the ship is going down, at the last second, he dives into the city reservoir. Sure.

If his landing is heroic, for almost everyone else it’s comic: Angela parachutes into a car where a couple is making out, Trixie into a Turkish bath, and Jimmy into a tree in the lion’s den in a zoo. Wucka. 

Animal crackers
It is insane, though. At the gala, most of the women dress slinky (as cats, etc.) or outrageous (peacock-like), while most of the men show up as dashing Douglas Fairbanks types—including Bob as Robin Hood, arms akimbo. We also get a Roman senator, a pirate, Romeo, Eve, Fish Girl, Spider Girl, Victory, Electricity, Miss Conning Tower and Little Rolls Riding Hood. You can get a sense of the madness in this clip.

Roth, the woman who plays Trixie, was immediately familiar to me as the daughter to Margaret Dumont’s Mrs. Rittenhouse in the Marx Bros.’ classic “Animal Crackers.” There, as the loyal girlfriend, she overacts. Here, as the other woman, she’s not bad. But her career quickly sputtered from alcoholism. She recovered enough to write about a memoir about it, “I’ll Cry Tomorrow,” which was adapted into a 1955 Susan Hayward film of the same name.

The movie was a rare box-office bomb for DeMille—deserved. It’s overlong and feels longer. It debuted about a year after the Wall Street Crash and crashed. In a way “Madam Satan” does to us what Madam Satan does to Bob: draws us in with the promise of something sexy only to deliver a bland wife and her stupid husband, reunited at last.