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Monday January 27, 2025

Movie Review: A Real Pain (2024)

WARNING: SPOILERS

“I want to be him.” That’s the line that got to me.

Jesse Eisenberg, who wrote and directed, and Kieran Culkin, late of “Succession,” play cousins, David and Benji Kaplan, who, in the wake of their grandmother’s death, visit her native Poland on a Holocaust tour. They are a mismatched pair. One is uptight and anal, the other a sometimes thoughtless free spirit. Guess who plays who? Exactly. Guess with whom I identified? Right again.

I’m someone who has to be at the airport two hours early, but I was with Eisenberg’s David when he said of Benji: “I love him, and I hate him, and I want to kill him, and I want to be him.”

I think we all do. Most of us are too polite, in a way that pushes away the world—that makes us feel less. Benji’s not that. Benji wants to feel more even though he already feels too much. He’s the double meaning of the title: a real pain who feels a real pain.

Not wrong
Culkin isn’t Jewish, is he? No, of course he isn’t. I don’t know why that didn’t register before.

I like the open: As he heads to the airport, David nervously phones Benji every two seconds to let him know where he is, and how far off, and warning about traffic congestion, but then canceling that warning because it’s all good and he’s nearly there, and he hopes Benji is on his way. He’s not. He’s there. He showed up way earlier than even the anal guy. Why? Because, dude, you meet the craziest people at the airport! That’s what he says. And because he has nowhere else to go. That’s what he doesn’t say.

We quickly see the pattern. Benji’s charming—even charming a TSA agent!—but he’s thoughtless. He takes the snack David’s wife made for him, and he takes David’s window seat, leaving David the middle one, and in Warsaw he showers first, borrowing David’s phone to listen to music and draining the battery.

David is the one politely hanging back, which means he’s the one often left behind. When Benji suggests the two of them pose with monumental statues of Polish resistance fighters, David begs off, feeling it wouldn’t be respectful (he’s not wrong), so Benji rolls his eyes, goes up alone, encourages the others on the tour and everyone has a good time (he’s not wrong, either). David is the one who takes all their pictures. He’s the one not part of the picture. 

Who else is on the tour?

  • James (Will Sharpe), a polite British tour guide from Oxford
  • Marcia (Jennifer Grey!), a posh post-divorce socialite, whose mother survived the camps, and who finds herself becoming someone she doesn’t like—a lady who lunches
  • Diane and Mark Binde (Liza Sadovy and Daniel Oreskes), an older couple, Mark is the least amused by Benji’s shenanigans
  • Eloge (Kurt Egyiawan), African, survivor of the Rwandan genocide, who studied the Jewish people in its aftermath and converted

Benji leans into each of their stories. Sometimes what he says feels inappropriate (“Oh, snap!” to the Rwandan genocide), but at least he’s listening, and feeling, and reacting. He thinks Marcia has a deep sadness behind her eyes and tells David he’s going to go talk to her:

David: Maybe she wants to be alone.
Benji: Nobody wants to be alone.

Well, some people want to be alone. It’s less messy. But Benji thrives on mess. He gets angry that they’re Jews riding first-class on a train in Poland, and his subsequent actions (retreating to second-class with David, and then missing their stop) makes everyone wait for them. He chastises the truly lovely tour guide for regurgitating facts, for not engaging enough with locals, and it hurts the guide—you can tell—but when they visit Majdanek, one of the extermination camps, he’s taken the criticism to heart, and the quiet visit resonates. Plus, in the end, James is grateful. It was a huge moment for him. The kicker? Benji doesn’t even remember it.

James: I always say, “Please, just let me know if I can do anything better.” And you’re the first person ever to give me actionable feedback. So thank you so much for that.
Benji (pleased): Get the fuck out of here. What did I say?
James (confused): What are you talking about? You know the stuff about engaging Polish people and the Polish culture…?
Benji: Oh man, that sounds great, you should fucking do that, man.

A number of years ago I interviewed Gerry Spence, the great trial lawyer, who began a trial lawyer’s college that has improved the work of even top-tier attorneys. It starts with three days of “psychodrama,” a kind of role-reversal with important people in your life, and the pain of it, as a way to better discover ourselves, and he engaged me in it. I talked about things I normally hold in. And afterwards I felt so grateful. To not have to hold these things in even for a few moments. To not have to carry them. For an hour to be free of that burden.

What is the thing not being said? That’s the thing Benji says. Even if he forgets he said it.

David, not part of the picture.

A fucked-up system
“A Real Pain” isn’t a great film but it is a good film. I didn’t want Kieran Culkin’s character to be less Kieran Culkin, but I did want Jesse Eisenberg’s to be less Jess Eisenberg. His anxiety gave me anxiety. “Did you not see how nervous I was?” “Yeah, I just thought that was you. 

Benji is the one they remember, while David, poor bastard, is an afterthought. Except David is the one who’s made his way in the world. He’s got a wife and a child, and meds to get through the day, and a steady job creating ad banners on the internet. Benji disparages this last. “It’s not your fault you’re part of a fucked-up system,” he says.

Benji never found his place in the world because it’s a fucked-up system. He’s not wrong. We’ve all felt it. Really, these are the options? Why are these the options?

We hear Chopin throughout, and that’s the pace and the tone of the film. Watch the movie with your polar opposite. My next trip, I'm hoping to be a little less David, a little more Benji. 

Posted at 08:21 AM on Monday January 27, 2025 in category Movie Reviews - 2024