I hope everyone who ignored the 22% Rotten-Tomatoes rating (top critics) for “The Hangover Part II” is feeling a bit hungover this Memorial Day weekend, after wasting their time and money, and our cultural capital, on such a worthless sequel. And before anyone gets all “What do critics know anyway” on me, the first “Hangover,” two years ago, garnered a 77% RT/TC rating. Critics liked it. This one? Not so much. Yet the unwashed flocked. Because they remembered the first one.

Suckers.

One still born every minute, apparently. “Hangover II”'s Thursday opening, $31 million, was the third-best Thursday ever—after “Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith” and “Matrix Reloaded”—and it still had enough in the tank to deliver the second-best three-day opening this year, $86 million, second only to “Pirates of the Caribbean 3”'s $90 million. Summer's officially here. We're flocking to crap.

The other big opener, “Kung Fu Panda 2,” grossed a mere $48 million. Despite good reviews.

“Pirates of the Caribbean” fell 56.4% to $39 million and third place. I doubt it'll gross even as much as the first one grossed in the summer of 2003 ($305 million) but doubt Disney cares. $152 million in the U.S. so far but more than $623 million already worldwide. Pirates.

But let's highlight two other comedies in the top 10.

“Bridesmaids,” in its third weekend, continued to have legs despite the comedic competition. It fell only 21% for $16.3 millon and fourth place. That drop, by the way, is by far the lowest drop among wide releases. “Fast Five,” at 37%, is second. “Bridesmaids” has now grossed $85 million domestic and seems a sure thing for $100 million.

Meanwhile, Woody Allen's “Midnight in Paris,” recent of the Cannes Film Festival, grossed $1.9 million for 7th place. Why talk about a $1.9 million movie when others are making more than half a billion? Because “Midnight” played in only 58 theaters yet made more money than “Something Borrowed, which played in 1,440 theaters, ”Rio,“ which played in 1,672 theaters, and ”Priest," which played in 1,918 theaters. Mazel tov.

The crooked numbers here.

Nothing says remembering your war dead like hijinks in Bangkok.

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