Tim and I played a game within the game at Mariners Park last night: Could we find a fan in stands who was wearing the jersey of a player—Mariners or Angels—who was actually on the field? 

Most Angels fans wore the jersey of Mike Trout, who's been MIA most of the season—and most of most recent seasons. He hasn't played 130+ games since 2019. On the field, in his stead, and the stead of Shohei Ohtani, the star of stars who fled for the other So Cal team last off-season, were a lot of .220 hitters whose very names sounded hopeless. Neto, as in young shortstop Zach, sounds like a compression of “Net zero”; Schanuel, as in young first baseman Nolan, sounds like something you'd say if you disagreed that Charlie Manuel was the best Phillies manager of all time (Manuel Schanuel); while Drury, as in journeyman Brandon, aptly described last night's weather: overcast and chilly after several weeks of 80 degrees and blue skies. I think eventually we saw a kid wearing an O'Hoppe jersey, as in Logan, as in their catcher leading the team in hitting with a .277 BA and .800 OPS. Smart kid. No other choice, really, except maybe their starter for the game: All-Star selectee Tyler Anderson, whose record was a very Angels 8-8.

On the Mariners side, we caught the usual Griffey 24s and Ichiro 51s, though the most popular continued to be Julio 44, who is having an off-season, or maybe an off-career, and anyway was out with an ankle sprain from the day before. MRIs had been announced. Walking in, we saw a few Ty France jerseys, possibly worn in protest, since he was waived earlier in the day, and nearby we saw a few J.P. Crawford jerseys. At least he started the game. In fact he scored its first run—after being hit by a pitch in the bottom of the first that got him pulled from the game in the top of the second. By the time we played our game, he was no longer on the field. (Update: hairline pinkie fracture for J.P.; probably a stint on the IL.)

I'll cut to the chase: the dude on the field with the most fans in the stands wearing his jersey was probably Cal Raleigh, Mariners catcher, currently leading the team in homeruns (20) and RBI (62). Not many other options. Mitch Garver? Dylan Moore? Jorge Polanco? The game-within-the-game demonstrated both past glory and current paucity for both teams.

As did the game. Tim called it the most Mariners game of all. We got seven shutout innings from starter Bryce Miller, who left with a 1-0 lead. The reliever they brought in? Ryne “Time to Panic” Stanek, who walked the Angels' #9 hitter on four pitches, walked the Angels' leadoff hitter on five pitches, then, on a 3-2 pitch, got Schanuel for a called third strike that was so iffy it got Schanuel tossed from the game. At this point, the M's went to the 'pen again for ace All-Star closer Andres Munoz, who looked a bit shaky himself. Worse, Angels pulled off a double steal, Turner Ward hit a long fly to center, and the game was suddenly tied.

Were we doomed to extras? No, thank god. Top of the ninth, M's reliever Trent Thornton promptly retired the first two batters, then promptly walked the next two, allowing #9 hitter (but oddly their top RBI man) Jo Adell to lace a single to center to put them on top. Trying to nab runner #1, mayhem ensued, allowing runner #2 to score as well. It was the most exciting play of the game.

And in the bottom of the ninth for the M's? After Cal Raleigh flied out, the next two guys up were Mitch Garver and Dylan Moore, both of whom, I shit you not, had already completed baseball's ignominious hattrick: each had struck out three times. In the ninth, Garver managed a fly out but Moore came through for us: he struck out to end the game. Fourpeat.

Tim thinks the hitting coaches up and down the Mariners organization need to be fired, and he's not wrong. We're currently last in the Majors in team batting, with a .217 average, two points behind the dismal Chicago White Sox. We're also first in strikeouts with 1,052, nearly 100 ahead of the second-place A's. Not a good combo. I returned home to find out that Teoscar Hernandez, who underperformed for us last season, and was a starting All-Star for the LA Dodgers this season, drove in all three runs in a 3-2 Dodgers victory over the SF Giants. How refreshing. Not drury at all.