“Give the people what they want... old-fashioned apocalyptic porn.”
--Birdman in “Birdman”

“San Andreas,” the new-fashioned apocalyptic porn starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as a helicopter pilot sent to save all the pretty girls during a massive earthquake in California, didn’t exactly shake up the box office this weekend: It grossed $53 million, which is the seventh-best opening of the year: $2 million behind the opening weekend for “SpongeBob,” and $16 million behind the opening for “Pitch Perfect 2.” Apparently the people want college girls singing more than The Rock flexing. Or maybe we’re just tired of apocalyptic porn. (We are until we aren’t.)

The other opener, Cameron Crowe’s “Aloha,” which has garnered protests from groups upset that it focuses on white people (Bradley Cooper, Emma Stone, Rachel McAdams) in a mostly non-white state (Hawaii), not to mention protests from critics who think it’s just not very good (17% on RT, Crowe’s lowest-rated film), grossed only $10 mil and finished in sixth place.

In between those two?

• “Pitch Perfect 2” grossed another $14 mil for second place, a domestic total of $147, and a worldwide total of  $228.
• “Tomorrowland” dropped 58% in its second weekend (not good) and is at $63 domestic/ $133 worldwide.
• “Mad Max: Fury Road” added $13.6 to a $115 domestic/ $248 worldwide total.
• “Avengers/Ultron” added $10 mil to $427 domestic, $1.32 billion worldwide. “Ultron” is now the sixth-highest-grossing film of all time worldwide. Its domestic total is 10th, and the highest since “Dark Knight Rises” grossed $448 in 2012.

Anyone see “San Andreas”? I’ve been busy with SIFF. (Among the recommended movies there: “Theeb,” “Meeting Dr. Sun,” “The End of the Tour,” “Me and Earl and the Dying Girl,” “The Connection,” “Being Evel.”)

Have helicopter, will save.