Yankees Suck postsMonday July 21, 2014
Actually, Wallace Matthews, That is Exactly What I Want
From the ESPN.com/New York columnist's post on the Yankees 4-2 loss to the woeful Texas Rangers tonight:
Not what you want: Derek Jeter with the bases loaded, that is. The captain ran his streak of futility to 0-for-8 (he has two sacrifice flies) with the bases loaded this season, rapping into a 4-6-3 double play to end the fifth inning with the Yankees clinging to a 2-1 lead.
Anyone have a GIF of this? So I can watch it again and again?
Just Retire Already
Apparently this ad premiered last night during the HR Derby:
It was posted on YouTube with this tagline:
No matter what hat you wear, tip it to The Captain. #RE2PECT
Sorry. I don't have anything to tip to the Cap'n. Just something to flip. #2AWFUL
I just don't get MLB fans and MLB teams anymore. All of these parting gifts for Jeter? A Derek Jeter Day in Chicago? It's as if he never caused you and your team heartache. I can't believe Minnesota gave him anything (other than a razzie) considering what he did to the Twins in the postseason over the years. Ditto Seattle and the Mariners. Jeter has five rings while Ken Griffey Jr. and Edgar Martinez and Jay Buhner never even went? And you want to give him more shit? To comfort him when supermodels aren't enough?
Seriously, if you want to show him respect, boo the crap out of him. That's what we do with opposition players who cause us heartache. Because this stuff? Farewell gifts and pats on the back and polite applause? It's what you give to someone old and feeble and toothless.
Other Parting MLB Gifts for Derek Jeter
Tim Keeney is tracking all of the parting gifts MLB teams are giving Derek Jeter during his farewell tour/season. These include:
- An electric guitar (Cleveland)
- Stan Musial cufflinks (St. Louis)
- Art made from subway tiles (Mets)
- A New York Yankees #2 surfboard (Angels, bro)
- The last second base used in the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome (Minnesota, yah)
Is anyone else embarrassed by all this? The man's the competition. What would Bob Gibson say? (What does Bob Gibson say?) I'm so tired of these gladhanding farewell tours. Who started this? Mariano last year? Cal Ripken in 2001? Because I don't remember a Willie Mays farewell tour. Or a Hank Aaron. Or a Harmon Killebrew.
But if we're going to do it, let's do it right. Here are my suggestions for parting MLB gifts for old #2:
- The ball that was blooped over his head to win the 2001 World Series for the Diamondbacks (Arizona)
- The bat Jhonny Peralta used to hit the routine grounder to short, on which Jeter broke his ankle, in Game 1 of the 2012 ALCS (Detroit)
- A Tony Tarasco “I wuz robbed” bobblehead, to remind Jeter that his first postseason homerun, the Jeffrey Maier homerun, which tied Game 1 of the 1996 ALCS in the 8th inning, was total bullshit (Baltimore)
- A glove made from the garbage found in NY subways, to honor Jeter's five Gold Gloves and career -9.4 defensive WAR (Mets)
- A DVD of ESPN's documentary “Four Days in October,” about the unprecedented comeback of the 2004 Boston Red Sox (Boston)
- One of Dave Roberts' running gloves from Game 4 (Boston)
- A David Ortiz jersey from Game 5 (Boston)
- A pair of white socks and a bottle of ketchup (Boston)
- A midge farm (Cleveland)
- A request for Minka Kelly's phone number (Oakland, Texas, Tampa Bay ... pretty much everyone)
- A ticket stub from the Kingdome, May 30, 1995, Mariners vs. Yankees, the game in which Jeter got his first hit. Wait, who is this for again? Jeter? Psych! (Seattle)
- A door, which shouldn't hit him on the way out (Minnesota)
Feel free to add your own in the comments section.
Of all the Jeter gifts, I like the surfboard best.
The Only Time I'd Choose the New York Yankees
This is a photo my brother-in-law took of a game of 'Apples to Apples' he and his family were playing recently:
That's about the only time I'd ever choose the New York Yankees.
The Yankees arrived in town on Tuesday this week a bit on the ropes, having gone 2-4 the previous week. The Mariners? The opposite. They'd won 8 of their last 11. And in the first game we had Iwakuma going. We had a 34-29 record and +34 run differential; they had a 31-31 record and were lucky to have it with a -33 run differential. If the season had ended on Tuesday, it was the Mariners, not the Yankees, who would've wound up in the playoffs. I can't remember the last time I could say that on June 10.
So what happens? We lose the first two games, 3-2 and 4-0. Jeter is given awards and prizes, since this is his last go-round here, and Seattle fans applaud him since he plays the game “the right way.” Don't get me started. Joe Posnanski has a word for it: Jeteration. It's just embarrassing. Have some dignity, Seattle. Jeter has enough rings and supermodels to keep him warm on cold nights. He doesn't need your tepid approval. Better to boo and end it.
Even with those two losses, the M's have a better record and a way better run differential than the Evil Empire. But we've let the Yankees back into the conversation.
Ol' Man Jeter
Ol' Man Jeter (to the tune of 'Ol' Man River')
Ol' man Jeter
That ol' man Jeter
He must see something
But he don't hit nothing
He just keeps whiffin'
He keeps on whiffin' along
He don't hit triples
And he don't hit homers
And most of his games now
End in oh-fers
And ol' man Jeter,
He keeps on whiffin' along
He gets weary
And misplays grounders
And all around him
The Yankees flounder
But ol' man Jeter
He just keeps whiffin' along
With apologies to Oscar Hammerstein and Jerome Kern, not to mention Derek Jeter, who deserves a better end—as we all do. He's currently hitting .250 with a .290 slugging percentage. (Lifetime: .312/.445; although he did go 2-4 yesterday with a double in another Yankees loss.) The Yankees are 11-14 when he plays, 5-1 when he doesn't. Joe Girardi's thoughts here. If Jeter's history is indicative, he'll turn it around. If the last years of great ballplayers are indicative, he won't.
UPDATE (5/8): I need to shut my mouth. A day after I posted this, Jeter went deep for the first time this year, and for only the second time in the last two years. He's now at .262/.336/.327. A .663 OPS. Plus he's got a new surfboard. So Cal agrees with him, apparently.
He don't hit triples/ And he don't hit homers ...
Twitter: @ErikLundegaardTweets by @ErikLundegaard