What Brings You Here posts

People come to this site for all kinds of reasons—mostly to grab a sliver of information and run—but it's often intriguing when they posit their search query, in Google or Bing or Yahoo, in the form of a question. What don't people get about the movies? What do they really, really need to know about the movie they just saw?

Here are some of those questions.

Why did Dr. King Schultz kill Calvin Candie?
I argue it's because he was usurped, for maybe for the first time in his life, in the storyteller role. It's the source of his power and he didn't like losing the source of his power. But QT added the memory of the slave being torn apart by dogs and thus added a moral rationale for the murder. A mistake, if you ask me. But not if you ask the Academy.

How did Lisbeth survive being buried alive?
She's Lisbeth. What? She's gonna die?

What were M's last words to Bond in Skyfall?
No idea. But everybody wants to know this. I get this query several times a day. Feel slightly guilty that my review doesn't answer it. Slightly.

What was wispered [sic] to Nikki on [sic] Silver Linins [sic] Playbook?
I think we're just supposed to assume what's said, based on what happens afterward. If this were 10 years ago, I guess I'd be getting search queries about what Bill Murray whispered to Scarlett Johansson in “Lost in Translation.” Just go with it, kids. Use your imagination.

Why does Sam say she loves bulimia?
She doesn't. In “Perks of Being a Wallflower,” Sam (Emma Watson) says she's a bulemicist. She's being clever and funny and charming. As if being Emma Watson wasn't enough.

Why Chasing Ice is a false documentary.
Not in the form of a question, dude. In fact, it appears to be buttressing an already-formed opinion. Sad. We should be teaching this in fucking kindergarten already. The goal is to look at the evidence and come to a conclusion, not have a conclusion and search for the evidence to back that up. Please. 

Who is the French girl at the end of Midnight in Paris?
Léa Seydoux. Here's a tumblr dedicated to her. She's really not as alone and unattached as she appears in the movie. She's not vulnerable. This is a fantasy. She's a world-famous model and actress. You have no shot, chief.

Léa Seydoux at the end of “Midnight in Paris.” What a cute open French girl who just happens to be unattached!

I'm always fascinated by the questions that people type into Google or Bing or ... OK, mostly Google, and that bring them here. A sample, with answers.

• What is the name of Magneto’s blue female sidekick? Mystique.
• How did Eric get his powers in x men? He's a mutant. He was born with them.
  
• In the American why did he shoot Ingrid? She knew too much. His face, for one. That alone was too much. It's also what he does.
• Where is Marston Tyne military prison? England, one assumes. This site suggests Ashridge House, Berkhamsted, Herts, UK.
• Is there a real storm in Take Shelter? I assume so, but it's open to interpretation.
• Do they die in Take Shelter movie? I assume so, but it's open to interpretation.
• What is Hawaii Pacific Institute in The Descendants? The summer reform school Alexandra (Shailene Woodley) attends.
• Sarah's Key what is in the closet? Her brother.
• Why does andrew in chronicle go crazy? Power corrupts. And absolute power...
• Will meg ryan and billy crystal do another movie together? Doubt it. Besides, would any studio bankroll it?
• Melancholia movie made me feel sick. Me, too.

Is there a real storm at the end of “Take Shelter”? Is it the likes of which none of us have ever seen?

Movie-related search-engine questions that brought (some very confused) people here ...

• what did she tattoo on the guardian's chest in girl with the dragon tattoo
• what does it mean when the toes are stuck together in the black swan
• who was the young girl in the jewelery store in bridesmaids
• does boyle live at the end of the film the guard
• what's the deal with the pills in crime d'amour
• Sarah's Key what happens to the brother?
• why does she catch fire in the housemaid
• why did jack shoot ingrid in the american
• what happened in the housemaid
• is the wire relatable

“The Housemaid”: I call its end “a dreamy sequence right out of David Lynch.” No wonder folks are confused.

• we must destroy, but productively led to the review of this great French documentary.
• bondage fixation led to the review of this recent comic-book documentary. Not, I'm sure, what the dude (or dudette) was looking for.
• science fiction movie with phrase “bonk,bonk on the head” took the reader to this movie review, which is more horror than science fiction, but in which I do reference that phrase. But it comes from original “Star Trek,” not a movie.
• did hitler have siffles led to this post, which is all about the Seattle International Film Festival (SIFF). I used SIFFles as a bad pun for sniffles, I guess. The reader meant “syphilis,” I assume.
• joel schumacher batman films are good in a camp way led to this much-read article on the history of Batman, where I agree on “camp” but not “good.”
• entourage prediction took the reader to this “Entourage” prediction .... from three years ago. Which didn't pan out.
• James M. McCallum = this movie review.
• metrodome moments = this farewell post.
• фирма которая делает кепки ny led to this article. Perhaps the Russians are interested in buying?

(L to R) Miri, Janice Rand, Dr. McCoy and Capt. Kirk in the first-season “Star Trek” episode “Miri.” Before the disease and the jealousy and the Bonk Bonk on the head.

The following are search-engine questions that brought readers to my site but which my site didn't answer. I try to make up for that deficit:

• “first alien invasion movie” led to my post on the history of alien invasion movies, but the answer isn't there. However, if you go to IMDb.com, do a keyword search of “alien invasion,” limit your answers to “movies,” and sort chronologically, you get ... “Mars Attacks the World” (1938), starring Buster Crabbe as Flash Gordon. Apparently it was a re-edited serial. Caveat: It seems more outer space adventure than Earth space adventure. I wouldn't go Daily Double on it just yet.
• “who played cyrils dad in breaking away” led our hapless visitor to my “Breaking Away” review, but I don't mention who played Cyril's dad. Because while the character is referenced several times—by both Cyril (Daniel J. Stern) and Dave's dad (Paul Dooley)—we never see him, just as we never see Mike's dad or Moocher's parents. The only parents we see in the movie are Dave's parents. Otherwise it's “Peanuts” territory. Wuh-wa, wuh-wa-wa-wa. In other words: No one played Cyril's dad.
• “who was the secretary in the 1966 Batman movie?” I assume, from my own “Batman (1966)” review, the secretary to Admiral Fangschliester, with whom he is playing tiddlywinks? Immediate thought: Why not just look on IMDb.com? Answer? It's not there. But the scene is on YouTube. And an answer is on the “Batman” wikia: Linda Beatty. Except then you get this discussion forum, which disputes the Linda Beatty claim. So I'm back where I started. Holy misinformation, Batman! Holy trivialities! Holy “C'mon guys, quit drooling, she's gotta be 65 now”...
• “what is the most quoted movie” is frequently asked and frequently lands visitors on my article about my most quoted movie lines. Which of course is no help. But there is no help. You can guess all day long—“Casablanca” or “The Godfather” or “Star Wars” or “Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery”—but there's no way to measure this.
• “intercourse between two women”: Not really a question but a hope ... for which, again, I'm no help. Somehow that poor person wound up here. Not, I'm sure, what he (or she) was looking for.
• “looking for a black man”: Same deal. Google needs help with its prepositions, doesn't it? Big difference between “looking for a black man,” and “Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Black Man.” If only there were some out-of-work English majors Google could hire...
• “what is pork chop money?”always leads people to my review of “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.”  Here's the answer: It's money with which to buy pork chops. The bigger point: It's offensive.
• “why the yankees suck”: Well, I guess I do answer that.

Admiral's secretary, and mystery actress, from the 1966 “Batman.”

The questions:

• what did odin whisper to mjollnir
• what is the fifth thing sucker punch
• why does clooney kill the girl at the beginning of the amercian?
• what does “down on strikes” mean?
• who sent the threatening emails in the girl who kicked the hornets nest?
• what happens to Sean on Source Code
• what makes Breaking Away a great movi
• what song does specialist angel toves play in restrepo
• where did restrepo play in theaters
• dreams of my father who was regina
• Did Humphrey Bogart play batman

The statements:

• Hanna, rebuttal
• kick ass suker [sic] punch rotten
• limp bizkit yankees hat
• jeter's first hit
• birthday lyric 47
• the director as illusionist, scorsese
• white ribbon I don't get it

The long quotes:

• No it's not. Those people were fighting for something; for a cause. To them out there, this is just entertainment.
• One of the boys I dated, and they were boys, suggested that we go to Paris and I said I'd always wanted to see Paris. As if I'd never been

“The cheaper the crook, the gaudier the patter.” Dude might have been looking for this.

Here are some of the searches that landed readers here, along with links to their landing pages.

Some came speaking foreign tongues...

• فلم سكس زمال يجب بكس وحدي
• l'oeil americain
• rose marcaillou coup de torchon
• NHUNG NU HON

Some came with questions...

• a moveable feast explain the scene with stein
• movie about a girl revenging on father's death?
• what happens to Ree at the end of Winter's Bone?

...or to test theories...

• Banksy uses film to validate himself, using Mr. Brainwash a symbol for the figure the indiscriminate

...or with quotes:

• the death loneliness that comes at the end of every wasted day
• Larry Summers basically accused me of being a Luddite
• unforeseeable war
• all industry has done is tried to grow it faster fatter cheaper

One even quoted me:

• Matewan is a powerful, wholly American film that has been overlooked by too many

Some just listed things:

• specialist miguel cortez
• superman loneliness
• 23rd of April st.Jordi's day
• hays code kiss less than 3 seconds

Others were interested in comparing and contrasting:

• destry rides again blazing saddles
• comparison of reynold's robin hood and scott's robin hood movies

Some, surely, didn't find what they were looking for...

• fair game hollywood movie bullshit
• IN 2010, THIS ACTRESS CASTAS A BALLERINA BEGINS TO LOSE HE MIND AS SHE ASSUMES THE IDENTITY OF THE PART SHE DANCES
• the social network what is “u dick” girl name
• lundegaard Erik AND karen lundegaard parapsychologist

Some, despite misspellings, did:

• tankees suck

You'd think she would've been listed as the “u dick” girl in the credits. Nope. Sorry, bro.

Here are some of the searches that landed readers here, along with where it landed them. So much people want to know...

• what movie features touch me i want to feel your body?
• what happens at the end of winter's bone?
• black swan, why are her toes stuck together?
• matewan, what is company doing to union versus union doing to company?
• the american, why did he shoot ingrid?
• did Terry Malloy have the right to say “It was you Charley”? of course he did..
• PONZI FROM HAPPY DAYS
• robert gnaizda greenlining institute inside job warned Mishkin
• good 2011 out in cinema
• 1990s Seattle Mariners
• reason why yankee fans suck
• is the MLB rigged?
• hoffman mariano rivera
• batman japanese internment
• “you're messing with the wrong guy” quote
• butler Guarau and his wife quote
• and what if my husband were the duke of york
• anticipation is better than consummation
• exceptional my ass
• i sell tallises

The “I sell tallises” boy.

Here are some of the searches that landed readers here, along with where it landed them. It's all kind of fascinating to me. So many questions people have. So few answers I give...

• movie where a guy take a dump on neighbor's lawn
• movie about Midwest kids who want to be bike racers
• mussolini's eye french film
• doniphon meaning
• why the Yankees suck
• why karli was punished in white ribbon
• why does Mr. Fox call himself a wild animal
• why Batman camp
• what is definition of american epic
• where did the scar on nina's back come from black swan
• who was longchamps in the adventures of robin hood 1938
• watch girl with tattoo dildo herself (sorry, dude, wrong site)
• goldberg girl who played with fire
• MOVIE ATTENDANCE 1950
• 1990s Seattle
• 67 reasons the yankees suck
• Fairbanks was a man's Robin Hood
• lou piniella comments on dave niehaus
• John Kerry ruins your favorite jokes
• Lora Hirschberg acceptance speech
• mishkin lying cv iceland
• like a feather caught in a vortex
• No it's not. Those people were fighting for something; for a cause. To them out there, this is just entertainment
• all the reasons yankees suck

I'm always fascinated by the searches that bring visitors to my site. I'm not sure if it's kosher, if it violates some rule of the Internet or not, but here are some recent examples of searches—with links to the pages it led them ...

• YANKEES SUCK
• the best legs in Hollywood
• man in subway in black swan
• plausibility in 39 steps
• i don't know what's worse your absence or your coming back
• what is meant by pork-chop money
• restrepo movie miguel cortez
• jeter “to throw”
• karate kid 2010 - what does the chi symbol mean?
• “richard brody”
• why did disney change the line in frenzied excitement he eats up the ground
• 100 best baseball players of all time
• why the YANKEES SUCK
• grannie fends off crooks
• philippe petit, eric burns
• i was at an alice cooper thing where annie hall
• arms dealers fooled
• the white ribbon bible quote sins of the father
• 1950s weekly cinema attendance
• cubs world series countdown
• 39 steps makes no sense
• nhung nu hon ruc ro
• hemingway artist “afterwards when he had hanged himself”
• baseball references in non-baseball movies
• French movie where the woman throws herself in rhine
• 500 days of summer why did you dance with me
• reasons why the YANKEES SUCK

Here's to finding what you're looking for.